We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
