I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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