Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
