i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
