dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
