She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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