At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
