I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
