So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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