My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
