Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
