it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
