we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
