Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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