My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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