I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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