Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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