So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
