I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
