Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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