Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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