i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
