woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The Olympian is in my bed
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
