i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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