You work out of a Hotel?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
