I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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