You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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