Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
