I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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