Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
