If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I don't think brook has ever known best
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
