I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
