careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
