we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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