Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
