I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
