You're my little dorito
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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