he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
