Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
