Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
