I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
