Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
The Olympian is in my bed
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