You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize