I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
