I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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