It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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