accomplished twins. life is a go
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
