You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
