I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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