at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
