thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
