How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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