Three words: puerto rican gang bang
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize