pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
