I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
