I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
