Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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