i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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