every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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