it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think my fart just growled at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
