dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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