Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
