and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
