I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
