Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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