in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
