so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
