hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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