i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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