I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
