I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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