bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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