I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
