we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I wish you could order shots online.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
