do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
