What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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