She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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