oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
