Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
