i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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