im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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