Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
