Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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