Don't make out with my wife yet
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
