God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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