im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
