My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
