I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
