So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
