yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize