we're chasing vodka with high fives
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
